High Conflict Individuals often have distorted thoughts, emotions, actions, and reactions. They do not trust feedback from others and continually see themselves as victims.
High Conflict Individuals often continue to fight to maintain power and to cover up feelings of loss and abandonment. Sometimes these people will continue the fight for years, even beyond kids aging up.
HCI can become extreme in their actions and will seek revenge. Because of this they may prolong divorce and custody cases. They may stalk, harass, and isolate their victims through spreading rumors and lies, even covertly, in an attempt to prove they are the real victim.
“Domestic violence is a complex issue, but at the heart of it is the need for power and control.” (May Lee)
Sadly, the conflict created and maintained by the HCI affects all involved, including the children from the relationship. “Every high conflict custody battle has 3 basic narratives: the abuser’s need to control, the abuser’s need to “win” and, the abuser’s desire to hurt or punish the healthy parent.” (Tina Swithin of One Mom’s Battle)
Abuse doesn’t always end after divorce. It often continues as post-separation abuse which comes with a whole different set of characteristics and often times with more hostility and aggression, which include but are not limited to;
- name calling
- gaslighting
- stalking
- false allegations
- financial abuse
- weaponizing the children
- discarding
- isolation
- harassment
- legal abuse
- DV by proxy
Everyone’s situation will be different. There is a misconception that abuse must come in the form of physical abuse – but this is not always the case. Abuse can also be psychological, emotional, verbal, financial, sexual, or a combination of all of them.
If you or someone you know is going through any of the above be sure to get the support needed to help deal with this. With the proper support and guidance, empowerment is possible, getting you closer to living in peace and further from the affects abuse has on the body and the mind.