I have a pretty amazing past

I was born to two parents who loved me. I was one of 4 kids, third to an older brother and sister and later a younger brother. I lived in a modest, but loving house. It was a muted green house attached to its twin house which I can’t seem to recall its color. There was a pussy willow out front that attracted millions of Japanese Beetles. I loved to collect as many as I could and feeling them cling to my hand with their dagger like legs. There were often cookies baking in the oven and during the holidays, Christmas music traveled through the rooms, playing in sync to the twinkling lights.

I often play with my siblings – seeing who could catch the most toads on a hot summer’s night and playing kickball in the street sans shoes. My bloodied toes often getting more attention than they deserved. I was cared for and loved the best my parents knew how.

I often sat in silence observing the world around me – not in loneliness but as a way, which I didn’t understand then, to connect to my God. I learned a lot about myself in these times. And even though I once thought I was different, I  now know that I was who I was and how I was because that was who I was meant to be – even if that me didn’t fit the way I thought I was supposed to be.

At an early age, 14, I met a boy who made me feel seen and appreciated. I felt so important to him. It is through this relationship that I grew into a self where I am just now appreciating the steps it has taken to get to this self – the self I am today. I experienced many experiences that have taught me a lot about my strength, determination, and my truth. Without this 28+ year union I would have never known these beautiful and flawlessly detailed intricacies of mine.

My 3 kids, my joint creations, are a reflection of all I believe the world to be. I have shared my soul with them which has been incredibly humbling. I reconnected with my God the moment I felt my first child’s presence within me. The meaning and purpose of life became clear for the first time through them.

I have never been hollow – only whole.

I have never been lost – because I’ve always been seen.

I have never been lonely – because I always had myself.

I have never been rejected – because I was always receiving.

When I see through clarity and purpose, my life has been magical. All those perceptions I once lived and suffered through were only perceptions.

Life is not to be perceived but to be experienced and seen through the lens of love and dreams and possibility and hope and belief.

Pure Belief.

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