My Vision

I believe in truth, love, learning, happiness, freedom, personal voice, free will and you. I fill my days with meditation, mindfulness, yoga, love, health, sharing and support. I will reach out to those who need or want my support. I will help others realize their personal truth, desires and their voice. I offer my friendship, support and continued learning. I am inspired to inspire. I strive to be authentic and to share my truth and love. My core values are: that we are all, every living thing, equal in every way; that everything in life, the good and the bad is a lesson offering us possibilities to grow; that we are all energy; and that we all deserve to know and live happiness.

My Higher Power Statement

I believe in an energy that flows around and through us.

This energy is the love and guidance that connects us all.

When we slow down and stop we can feel it.

It is tingly.

It is welcoming.

It is connection and power and truth.

It is love.

It radiates all around us, grounding us and connecting us to one another – to the trees, to the air, to the tiny specks of miracles that surround us.

We were born into this energy of love.

Our journey is leading us back to our true being – a reconnection to our power, our truth, our innate energy.

We return to love.

I am awakened.

6 Steps to Fear Freedom

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“Inner guide I surrender this fear to you. Thank you for helping me to reorganize this limiting belief and restore it back to love.”

-Gabby Bernstein

 

I can see myself sitting at the top of the stairs. I was maybe 6 or 7. It was dark in the upstairs hallway. Below me at the foot of the stairs was my family’s living room. Down below my parents sat together watching TV. Everyone else in the house, my 2 brothers and sister were asleep. I snuck out of bed, needing and wanting attention. I longed to go down the steps to have my parent’s attention.

I had a wonderful childhood with a devoted mother and in all honesty an absentee father. With all my mother’s love and care I still felt very alone. I was the 3rd of 4 kids. It was a time when parents let go of the reigns very early on. I was fed and clothed but for the rest I was kind of on my own. The independent child. But I was not born to be independent. I wanted to share and be seen. I wanted to be asked what I thought. I wanted to have a light shone on me during my explorations.

I metaphorically sat at the top of those stairs waiting to be seen, waiting to have someone help me out of my body, help me find the person I was meant to be.

I learned to live in silence and to just watch from the outside. I never learned how to speak my thoughts or even to know what I wanted because no one asked and no one gave me the tools to trust in myself.

This is not a story of blame. As I mentioned I had a very loving and devoted mother and even my father, when he knew how, would reach out to me. But damnit I was so alone. It was like I had a jet engine on my back with the gas gauge on empty. I felt the urge to fly, to move but I didn’t have the ability. I so longed to be seen, explored, and even the encouragement to just speak, “so Becky, what do you think?”

A voice. I longed for a voice.

I grew in silence and confusion. Who am I and is who I am worth being heard? If my voice had never been valued then who would value it now? I lived in silence. I longed in silence. I lived in fear of being and doing something I never learned how.

But that jet engine on my back remained and it hung in heaviness wanting and needing to be turned on to propel me to fly. I had to dispel my fear and fight my stories of not being worth listening to. I was born with a voice. I was born in love and am ready to share this love with the world.

Fear lives within all of us and it paralyzes us. We get trapped in the safety of not living our true nature all because of FEAR.

It’s time to discover where fear resides and how it is holding you back from breaking your barriers. I offer you a release, a means to realizing a story from your past that keeps you living in fear.

 

Realizing and Releasing Fear in 6, possibly tear provoking, Steps

 Adapted from my Spirit Junkie Master Training with Gabby Bernstein

Get out pen and paper and free write the following answers. Don’t edit and don’t judge. Just let it all out.

 

  1. What is a fear based story from you past? Quick find a memory that comes up for you that provokes and emotional response.
  1. In what ways is this story holding you back from moving forward in life?
  1. How is this fear stopping you – holding you back?
  1. How do you compare yourself to others?
  1. How do you judge yourself?

Now close your eyes and feel all the emotions. Where do you feel them? What does it feel like? Feel it ? Let the emotions consume you. Hold it. Feel it. Let it wash over you and through you. Spend at least 5 minutes in this space.

Feel it all.

After approximately 5 minutes open your eyes, wipe the tears away and take a deep and long inhale, then let it out in a quick and powerful cannonball breath.

Do this two more times. Now imagine a ball of light containing your fear and watch it float away and let it go. Watch it break apart and become recycled into newness.

  1. Now write out your experience. Describe it. Be the non-judgmental witness of your fears.

It is now time to feel proud of yourself for opening a closed door and allowing things to move forward.

I honor you for your courage and your trust. Know that you are supported and guided on your journey.

If you would like a one-on-one session with me to really get serious about dispelling your fear, let me know, I would so love to work with your through these steps. Let my love and guidance help you to break down your barriers and get rid of the fear that is holding you back.

 

 

 

 

Shamelessly You

 

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It’s another new week to live and experience. I hope you are doing well and have set your mind to being open to letting all the goodness in.

This week I am trying something new. I have been spending a lot of time in my car this summer. My 13 year old son is doing a 5 week ballet intensive at a renowned dance school not too far from home. This is great for him but it means a lot of driving for me. As I move down the highway my mind has a lot of time to dissect, dream, and conjure. One day while in my deep thoughts  (my mind is constantly racing with ideas I want to share) I wanted to stop and write it all down. This wasn’t really an option so I decided to just record my thoughts. So I set my phone on record and just started talking.

Below you will find my first experiment with this. You may even hear my turn signal at some point. I have uploaded the recording on Dropbox. You will need to create an account but it’s worth it. It’s a great application where you can store many of your files. And If I keep up with my recordings you will easily be able to access them. It will be a win – win :) . Let me know if you have any questions with Dropbox.

My recording is called, “Shamelessly You.”

Let me know what you think. I would love to hear back from you.

The Story of Me

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My story starts 40 years ago. I was born into a lower to mid-class white family. My memories are full of the stories you would expect from this scenario.

I was the third child of four*. I had an older brother an older sister and a younger brother. I was a middle child.

From my earliest memories I remember myself hiding in the shadows, melting into my surroundings, keeping quiet.

I took life in as an observer. I watched from the sidelines but never in loneliness. I somehow always had a friend within myself. I didn’t know who that was until recently.

In my introverted introspection I suffered mildly. I was made fun of for various things. I was a “carrot top” for one. I was small. I was meek and mild and my body barely showed signs of puberty. Imagine it in your mind. That was me on the outside. And on top of all that I allowed myself to be a pushover.

In my elementary days I was, can I call it molested? by a classmate who bought my silence with a golden bracelet that mocked me for years to come.

Somewhere in my early teens I discovered a hidden voice within me that started to break through. It was by no means loud or aggressive but it helped me to assert myself unapologetically.

I held strong convictions that I still hold today. I refused to be anyone’s stepping mat. I refused objectification and I refused selling myself short to anyone. I never bought in to drugs, alcohol or even the expected mandates of sex.

I never knew where my convictions came from but they were with me strong and powerful. I now know that these convictions were part of my true authentic self. I am so grateful for them staying so close to the surface of my being.

When I was close to turning 14 I met a boy who became my best friend. I could tell him anything. I could be my true self with him. We were inseparable. I don’t remember a time when he wasn’t by my side. We even followed one another to college. We married young still side by side through it all. We graduated, moved and moved back.

I lived one half of a whole. It was all good. It was what I wanted.

Until…

I started to feel empty, un-lived, a life unexplored by my whole being.

This realization came sometime after the birth of our second child. I was 29. The signs had already been showing themselves before this. I had started for the first time in many years to feel alone, lonely, abandoned.

On one side of my life I felt more whole than I ever had before. I had become a mother and that was my first true experience of spiritual discovery. All my inner-connection, all my late night talks with a “God” never felt as spiritually realized as growing a life within me did.

My birth into motherhood opened up a part of me that is beyond words. I felt connected to something so beyond words or explanation. I felt love. I felt powerful. I felt important. And I felt such a connection not just with new life but with spirit. Life started to make sense.

And with motherhood came responsibility, of life, of guiding another soul. I was able to see and feel in these souls the meaning of life…to live purposefully.

I was able to understand, through looking deep into the eyes of my children a soul born to be great. And not great as defined by me or society but great in their true innate self.

A soul is born whole and knowing and if these precious babies of mine had it then somewhere deep within me I had it too. I just had to rediscover the me I was born to be.

Years passed on my spiritual discovery with my kids but on the other side – the loneliness and abandonment still lurked.

I could use this time to blame others in my life for contributing to my feelings of desolation but I take full responsibility for the choices I made, for keeping quiet in times of stress, for not taking my own powerful steps on my road of life.

My life was a dichotomy of pure joy and isolation.

I was a wild and joyful mother and an unhappy housewife.

I created beautiful space with my children and I resented the laundry I had submitted myself to doing.

When I was found I had also been lost.

How could I dig myself out of my dream life?

Three years ago I become sick with heart issues, extreme fatigue, a diagnosis of diabetes and possible autoimmune diseases.

I was a pincushion for the science of my own existence. I bled for the needles. I cried for my future. And I saw a new light.

I freed myself from my self-made constraints. I opened up to the knowledge that beneath my ill-fitting façade was the person I was born to be.

I started to excavate, to chip away at this façade. Underneath the layers I found fresh new skin that burned with the unknown. When the fear would break through I would hide again behind whatever was nearby. I would only stay hidden for so long though because I would again crave my freedom.

Up to this point it has been a journey full of great finds and painful falls. I have skinned knees and a bruised heart. I have repeatedly shed tears to cleanse my soul.

I hurt. I am confused. I still struggle with loneliness. I am still on this rocky path. It is by no means easy but it is necessary. I must go back to my beginning without going back but by moving forward.

To be honest I am terrified. I worry about the bruises my journey will cause others. I worry about the next curve on my path. I have no crystal ball but what I do have is my strength of being. I have discovered deep within me a presence that is guiding me and whispering words of encouragement. In my quiet times I can hear them and in the whispers I am learning to fall gracefully and to rise again.