Hey there, Becky. It is I, your 30 year in the future self. I have been instructed to write to you, my 10 year old self about who I am now. So here I am, ready to share with you my life, your life.
I, we, are a mom. Bet you couldn’t guess that one. You knew it all along didn’t you? I love it beyond words. As soon as I became pregnant the life of being a mother and having kids has consumed me in a really good way. In many ways I know this has been one of my purposes. It has been fulfilling, inspirational and has taught me more about myself than I think anything else could have.
Let’s see, what else to share. I am married to a boy-man you will meet when you are 13. Crazy, right? I have no recommendations for you here because you always let your heart guide you in this matter so I won’t spoil any surprises for you. The one thing I will tell you is to never stop expressing your voice. Hiding from your feelings will only sink you deep in muck and mire. Your needs and thoughts do matter. Don’t let your mind tell you otherwise.
Here’s another thing, you know how you look at Noelle and are often envious because even at 12 she knows exactly what she wants to be when she “grows up” and you have no clue and it often frustrates you. Well, prepare yourself, even at a newly christened 40, I/we still don’t know what we want to be when we grow up.
I have learned a truth though that I will share with you now, it’s all OK. The trick is to wake up each day knowing that life has your back. You will come to realize that life isn’t about being or doing one thing. It is about living, and breathing, and experiencing each and every moment.
Life isn’t about labels, of who or what you are. Life for you, my 10 year old friend, will be about breathing and listening. You have that voice already and you can hear it. This I do know.
That voice inside you, which comforts you and directs you will get softer, almost non-existent at one point, then it will re-emerge loud and clear. It’s the quiet time that gets tough. I will remind you now to not let it go quiet and I mean ever. That voice inside you is your true self who has a voice worth listening to and expressing.
Even now, you as a 10 year old, keep that voice quiet. You hear it but you are often scared to express it. You know it to. You are so knowledgeable at this moment, just listen I beg of you. You know those conversations you have in your head? That’s it. That’s the inner-voice guiding you, offering advice and comfort.
Another thing I would like you to know is you/I am still fearful of many things and this I now know has been a waste of time. I have wasted many years fearful of judgment, failure, my own thoughts. There are things you have always desired to do and have yet to do. But no more. I/you are now on the right path. We want to sing, we want to do a back bend from standing position, and we want to write and create and share. None of these things are a surprise to you because even now you at 10 want these things. I am sorry to say I have wasted 30 of our years too fearful to do all that we have wanted. No more though. My gift to us and to the world is to live fully to our heart’s desires.
As I espouse this wisdom on you now, I am reminded to keep this practice up in my own life, right now. I must listen and be guided and trust in my inner-knowing.
I am happy for all the experiences we have shared and yet to share. It all comes down to a simple truth, don’t be scared to live Becky. You can do. You can soar. You can shine. You can be and do all that you want to be and do.
A hug to you my girl.