Moments of pure ecstasy await you. Pure bliss beckons you. And life, that is yours to conquer is right around the corner. OK, I may be over exaggerating things here. I’m just trying to pump you up and get you feeling your life the way you are meant to.
Have you ever stopped to think about how much you’re living the supposed to’s. Supposed to’s are any and all of those things that in your mind must be done. Eating falls into this category. So does work, relationships, paying bills, etc. Take note of your days and how much of what you’re doing are supposed to’s. You wake up, when? Why? Because you’re supposed to. You most likely eat 3 meals a day. Why? Because you’re supposed to. Do you include veggies because you love them or because you’re supposed to? You go to school, choose a major, get a job, why? Because you are following your dreams or because you are following a life progression of supposed to’s.
What parts of your day are done because of love or passion and which fall in the category of supposed to’s? Here’s a chart for you to get your thoughts on paper.
|Supposed To’s||Choose To’s|
Now that we have you thinking a bit about your supposed to’s vs. choose to’s, how do you feel? Do you like this arrangement? Do you like feeling like you lack control of your day?
So, what’s the solution?
There are a few actually. One is to see things from a different perspective. “If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change” as quoted from one of my all time favorites, Wayne Dyer. What does this mean exactly? When you can see your situation from a different perspective, change the way you look at things, it changes what you’re looking at. Here’s an example; I have 3 kids and man do they need a lot; food, clothes, love, learning, space, drives places and more. I can look at all this as supposed to’s. I’m supposed to make breakfast, lunch and dinner. I’m supposed to wash their clothes, help them learn, etc. This is how I used to see it. I would wake up with the looming feeling of taking care of my kids needs. It was a bunch of supposed to’s and honestly I wasn’t too happy with any of it.
Then I shifted my perspective.
I saw what I was doing for and with them as a gift. I was able to be a part of their lives and share awesome moments with them. I no longer dread emptying the dishwasher and instead celebrate it. Heck, I don’t even notice it anymore as a chore. It’s just become a part of my beautiful day with my kids. Shifting my perspective has dramatically changed my days and my life.
Another solution, when simply changing perspective isn’t enough is actually making a change.
Oftentimes people are in a job that sucks the life out of them. Jobs are one of those things that can fall under supposed to’s. We as food eating, shelter needing humans need money and we subsequently get money through jobs. The jobs we have have often been dictated through expectations and influence. When we are young setting out to get a job/career we are often influenced and pushed into a safe and reliable direction. We follow safety and money. What we don’t realize at the beginning is that that job soon defines us and holds us in its cage of safety and we become trapped, or so we feel.
In our trapped state, even if unhappy in our position, stay where we are and get in the rhythm of supposed to’s. We are doing our job, supporting a family, paying a mortgage, buying groceries, etc. We end up living a “supposed to” kind of life. We can go from here and shift our perspective and find the pleasure and joy not only in our job but in what it offers us. This can work wonderfully for some. But for others not so much. Sometimes a shift in perspective only works for a bit and then we are back in the funk of feeling unsatisfied and unhappy in our job. If changing perspective doesn’t work then it may be time for a change and this comes in steps.
I’m not here to give you step by step directions on how to change jobs/careers because this was only an example of the supposed to’s we fall into. What I want you to see is that change is an option to get out of the supposed to’s and turn them into choose to’s.
How would you like to choose your day, your year, your life. Supposed to’s feel like a trap but only if we allow ourselves to become trapped. Open the door to the four walled cage and set yourself free. Supposed to’s are only a creation of your mind. You have a choice to live life through choice rather than control. Take steps toward this choice. Either shift perspective or move toward change. It may not be easy at first but living a life of choice is so much better than living the supposed to’s.